Missing My Friend
I feel like I have lost a loved one, and I don’t want to forget her. I’m walking around in a contented and comfortable place, and I want to enjoy and appreciate it, but part of me needs to continue remembering my dear friend. It seems as if giving into this life of ease is somehow going to betray my relationship with her.
She taught me so much about giving up my life in order to gain a better one. She wasn't scared to have the really hard conversations, pointing out my selfish motives hidden under dark rocks of hypocrisy. She didn't shy away from gently exposing my subconscious arrogance, which I obtained through a life of controlled comfort. She didn't encourage stagnation, but helped prune my leaves so new fruit could grow She didn't suffocate me, but gave me grace to learn at my own pace.
I don’t want to forget our friendship. I don’t want to walk around as if I am not grieving, because no one will know I just lost my beloved friend. I yearn to talk about her, show pictures of her, and recall all my memories with her, but I know others want to live in the present. They don’t want to hear my own personal grief. They understand of course, and they want to sound interested, but it doesn’t always fit the mood.
May I find the right moments to recall such a life-changing relationship, and may I allow my incredible friend to change me for the better, forever.
I miss you overseas, but there are things I'm happy to have to let go. The things that were super frustrating and super humbling, but they were also what I loved about you, what I don't want to forget. I am grateful for the time we had. You taught me to live simply, sojourningly, and Spirit-led for the entirety of my life. And when life becomes easy again...
"When you have eaten and am satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of slavery. You may say to yourself, 'My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.' But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant [of love], which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. (Deut. 8:10, 12-14, 17-18)
I am thankful that it is God who uses friends like you to prune my unhealthy branches. He is the one that led me out of slavery towards fearless faithful living. To Him be the praise for such tender loving care all these years in the wilderness. I know He has many more friends like you to bring into my life for such a time as this...
~Missing Carefully & Carelessly
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