Ever feel weak, watching all those Olympic athletes compete, injure themselves, and then recover and keep going? It demands a level of respect. Or ever listened to someone like Joni Erickson Tada? She just celebrated 57 years as a quadriplegic, 42 years married, and over 40 years heading a non-profit for disabled persons all over the globe. She uses her trials to give God glory and share His purpose and peace for others in pain. This instills an indescribable admiration. But if you have ever watched your own child tackle disabilities, surgeries, or daily challenges without so much as a complaint or a sigh, well you know this just prompts a pause, followed by awestruck delight, and if you're honest, a little embarrassment at your own weak gripes.
Even though we shouldn't compare our trials, sharing our struggles serves to encourage those who are being tested or will be similarly tested. Let's face it. No one wants to feel alone in their darkest hour. We frantically search for someone who has experienced what we are going through. Otherwise loneliness and isolation form a playground for satan. God wants us to come to Him first with our deep need for intimate camaraderie. Then, He graciously introduces us to others for fresh fellowship. These hands and hearts don't solve our problems, but they encourage and enable us to feel God's love through their own.
Strengthen the weak hands,
and make firm the feeble knees.
Say to those who have an anxious heart,
“Be strong; fear not!
Behold, your God
will come with vengeance,
with the recompense of God.
He will come and save you.”
(Isaiah 35:3-4)
I must confess, as someone who wrote a book about an antidote to anxiety, I was not at all expecting the intense resurfacing of fear and panic that I experienced recently. The curve ball came from farther than left field. I thought I had outgrown anxiety just as I outgrew certain attire, but I learned that we don't grow out of human frailty, we simply wear a wiser belt when it hits. I was reminded of Psalm 30:6-7:
"When I felt secure, I said,
'I will never be shaken.'
Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed."
Dismayed doesn't exactly translate the emotions I felt, which grew more acute throughout the night. I was thrown into a knotted web of terror. As I already knew, lies whisper louder in darkness. So when it felt that God had hidden himself from me, I became truly rattled. I reminded myself of a simple truth-- in God there is no darkness (John 1).
When the new day dawned, and the claustrophobic constriction and corresponding realties were unchanged, I had mental and spiritual work to do. Unfortunately my spirit was faint from the battle the night before. More than that, a sense of shame broke through with the morning sun. How could such a simple and common trial, a mere fracture of my wrist, spark such an unnerving? Hadn't I experienced so much more? Hadn't so many other people dealt with this, but with composure and poise? How could I keep fighting attacks of panic if this trial didn't have an end date? And worse, how would I deal with the darkness that would inevitably arrive later that night?
By the grace of God, and it is always his grace that turns darkness into light, some key insights fell into place to soothe my soul. Perhaps they will encourage you if dismay ever hits you like a blackout curtain over a sunny window.
I'll try to break them down another time, but here's the gist for now...
Speak fears aloud--let loose tears and emotions
Sit still and breathe deep -- do not try to project, predict, or prepare for the future "what ifs"
Saturate on the word-- listen, read, worship
Tell Someone- power in prayer partners
Ask to See- little miracles in front of you- mine was a flag scratcher
Serve- move forward--do something--serve someone else even if only in prayer
Find Someone who has come out on the other side--listen to Joni's bio
Squelch shame-- cast out shame for His glory in your trial-God doesn't shame us
Focus on blessings-- count out loud every positive in your life no matter how small
Wait in hope-- humbly accept you may need the thorn for a better future
While these all have layers, and the frustrations still exist, the frantic feeling of panic has left the premises. I can sit in my trial and let it do its work, because "I sought the Lord and He delivered me from all my fears" (Psalm 34:4).
Oswald Chambers said it better than me:
"Jesus says not to be surprised when troubles come: 'In this world you will have trouble.' But he also says that troubles are no match for him: 'Take heart! I have overcome the world.'
Sometimes people who never wanted to complain or go on about their troubles before they were saved become frail in the face of trouble afterward. This happens because they had the wrong idea of what salvation meant. They thought it meant that God would allow them to triumph easily over all adversity. But God does not give us overcoming life; he gives us life as we overcome." (utmost.org, Aug.2)
I'm so thankful I can still live this mobile life even when I feel less than mobile. Heading for another xray and potential plaster cast next week... but God will see us through it.
~Carefully Careless
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