Biting More Than We Can Chew

I have a son who LOVES all food. Having once been fed solely through a G-tube, he appreciates eating more than my other kids. When a brand new "adult food" is placed before him, he excitedly takes the biggest bite he can, but then the problem happens. His little mouth can't handle the portion. He thinks seriously about spitting it all back onto his plate, but we cajole him to move it around in his mouth for a few minutes.

He uses all his hypotonic muscles the best he can and slowly but awkwardly moves the food from his weak side to his strong and back again. Even though he looks like he may gag at any moment, he uses his cramped teeth to make the food smaller and smaller until finally swallowing all of it. Then without hesitation he eagerly brings another massive bite to his tiny mouth as if nothing ever happened.

Living without a permanent street address has felt a bit like biting off more than I can chew. At first, I was so excited to take a massive bite of the unknown. Sell it all, drive to Mexico, sleep wherever God opens the door. Then, I wanted to spit it all out. The unknown, the transitions, the isolation, it was too much, too daunting, too unpredictable, too lonely. It was just too big for me. I couldn't swallow the whole concept.

But God said, wait a minute, don't make a mess, just move it around in your mouth for a while. Marinate on the parts you like, and it'll get smaller and easier to manage. As I conceded, it did get easier. Before I knew it, we'd come full circle, and I swallowed the hole bite, and just like my son, I wanted another bite. This one felt bigger though. I questioned my portion control, only to find I had to slow down, and take it one chew at a time. It always shrinks as time passes.

Again, the bites for Hawaii and Alaska made me drool with excitement as I stared at the plate, but the reality was too big for my small controlling mouth. There were textures I wasn't used to. Pieces I couldn't get a grip on. Moments I wanted to spit it all back on the plate and call it quits. Thankfully I didn't want the whole family to see me regurgitate, so I kept chewing. Then, just like my son, I have nearly swallowed it all, and I think I'm ready for one more bite.

That's the thing about saying "yes" to God. Our head and our heart don't always align at first. We can't comprehend how the portion will actually fit in our mouth, let alone our throat. But God isn't asking us to swallow everything all at once. "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." (Ephesians 4:7) Jesus knows how to portion out our food and our grace. He doesn't make us swallow everything, but asks us to take one bite, take one step of faith at a time, not five thousand. Just take one.

Then when you are ready, another, and another, until you can't believe where He's taken you, and you certainly can't take any credit for it. I would have spit out this meal long ago, but God's given me grace sufficient for each day and no more--only grace for today.

Even though there are still so many parts of this journey that feel too big for my mouth (or too small for my body), the three most important parts fit. Nutrition, taste, and texture are primary in eating. My relationship with God, my relationship with my husband, and my kids' relationships with both are preeminent in my life. If those things are moving in a healthy direction, then I must ignore my chewing concerns. I'll keep chewing as long as those things keep thriving.

~Chewing Carefully & Carelessly