We are often asked how we have any privacy, let alone intimacy, living on the road with four boys all together, all the time. Well after a year in the RV, I can confidently say that our marriage is deeper and more intimate now than when we had regularly scheduled date nights and plenty of space to separate from our kids.
In case you're one of the curious ones, I'll let you in on the secret. When we lived in brick and mortar, my husband and I had two very different jobs, and we separated from each other for those jobs at least five days a week. Even if we both worked from home on certain days, we weren't working in the same fields, so each evening, we had to debrief and reconnect on everything that we had the energy to share.
One of us liked to share every detail in order to feel there was an intimate connection happening. The other one of us was just fine sitting in the same room listening to whatever white noise happen to be playing while we detoxed from the day. For this reason we needed a weekly or, at the very least, monthly date night to catch up and get on the same page. Without these built in breaks, we would see tension rise in our home and a disconnect distance our marriage.
After twenty plus years together, and almost 14 of those married, I can tell you that "intimacy" does not just mean physical actions. Our intimacy, in all its definitions, is so much stronger now because we are growing deeper in our faith by walking on a journey full of unknowns--together. Leaps of faith force intimacy.
Just think about those people that you have experienced crazy, intense, new situations with--the death of loved one, or near-death experiences, hospitalizations, adoption, mission trips, natural disasters, etc. Movement towards an unknown fear with great faith forces a vulnerability that creates intimacy in all types of relationships. Without vulnerability, you may feel safer, but you'll have less intimacy.
As we prioritize following God wherever He leads and grow our faith in the process, my husband and I see each other's jobs with new eyes. We are "doing life together," as they say, rather than looking for other people to "do life" with. We are living day-in and day-out together, being forced to see the best and worst of each other. Instead of needing an evening or monthly date night to debrief, we can stop throughout the day to encourage, support, forgive, or challenge each other. The intimacy that comes from those vulnerable connections is stronger and more vital than any we can try to schedule into a date night.
No matter where you live, a camper, an apartment, or a giant lonely house, know that the intimacy we are all craving only happens when we grow our faith and become more intimately vulnerable with God first. Then everything else we desire falls follows afterwards. Do life with God, and then you'll know how to intimately "do life" with those closest to you. And if you've been hurt by a false or shallow intimacy, know that God may be pursuing you so that you receive your deepest intimacy from Him. He will never disappoint you.
~Carefully and Carelessly Intimate
Comments