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  • Katie Smith

Red Eyes Moments- No Filter

We brought a few photo books with us in the rig, and the boys found an old picture from college where Matthew and I both have red eyes. The boys immediately took to laughing hysterically and asked, "Why do you guys look so "evil?!"

After explaining "old school" cameras with automatic flashes, we tried to fumble through a conversation about current filters. Flash forward a couple days, and I could have actually demonstrated those same red eyes in real life. After enduring all the fighting and anger in the rig, and Matthew leaving for a bit, I gave full vent of my own rage.

As written in To the Golden Shores, Judson says, "Burmese women, fell by the wayside through [their] inability to control [their] temper. She would explode in rage and for an hour or so would enjoy the intoxication of unleashed wrath. Afterwards, like a repentant drunkard, she felt remorse. But with her, as with native sisters, quarreling was like liquor to an alcoholic: she simply could not resist it " (Courtney Anderson, pg 232).

In other words, like the ancient Burmese culture, there aren't many natural filters set up in RV-living. It can become habit to fall back on your anger when you are face to face with everyone and everything, and you must choose what to give into. Now I see that rage exists in each of us. There are just so many ways to avoid the intoxication of wrath when you have filters that separate you.

Smart phones mimic life today. We cover up blemishes, avoid ugly moments, and wipe away anything unpleasant. From this type of lense, we are all "pretty good" people. And if we happen to witness a breaking point, we can top it with enough good deeds or pretty pictures to forget it ever happened.

It's like eating our way through the candy store for supper and then having a carrot for dessert. We want to make ourselves feel better by piling on the positivity and ignoring the ugly vibes. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, our current lifestyle in this rig has forced me to come face to face with just how red-eyed I can be. When poked, prodded, and pestered enough, there's no stopping the true character inside all of us. I'm living in an old flash photography world these days.

In truth, as hard as this lifestyle can be, it's equally as meaningful and beautiful. Without the recognition of my own personal sin, I begin to think I'm no worse than anyone else. But when I mess up day after day, and God's mercies are still new day after day, the cross is that much more amazing and appealing. As Paul says, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1:15).

Knowing my own sin enables me to love and forgive others who sin against me. It allows me to relish in the love of Christ, and extend grace more freely to others without judgement or condemnation. I'm thankful for my red-eye moments because they draw me deeper to love and appreciate what Jesus did for me. Then I'm dancing like the brown-eyed girl that He made me, praising him all the more.

~Carefully Careless with no filter

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