Trying to Be a Boy

I have always had a strong desire to identify or relate with other people. I want everyone to feel comfortable. I want everyone to feel at home around me. I want to "become all things to all people that I might win a few" (1 Cor. 9:22) And let's face it, I feel less abnormal when people relate to me too.

Yet this strong desire can be problematic. I know that I'm easily stirred to lose myself if I am not rooted in reality. I can desire identification to the point that I resent my surroundings. Or worse, I'll trust a connection that actually has no bearing in my life. It's like getting medical advice from a barista on the internet posing in scrubs and using fancy, made up jargon.

The desire to find people who know "exactly" what you're going through is a often a dangerous pursuit. If it leads you to trust your feelings over your reality, then you'll lose your identity completely.

Still, the aspiration remains for many of us. I, unfortunately, cannot identify with many people these days. No one in my crew needs to process externally like me. All the males I'm surrounded by bounce from hatred to love. Quarreling to cuddling. Laughter to tears. Friend to foe. And back again--all in a matter of minutes!

It's like I'm being splashed with cold water while sleeping under soft, warm sheets. These abrupt changes punch me in the gut. Yet I continue "Feeding the Mouths that Bite me." I'm being slapped in the face and then given kisses and flowers to top it off.

These are not bipolar monsters, but normal, young boys. Moreover, they will be men one day, and many men I know utilize anger or frustration as a "go-to" emotion to cover all their other emotions. I want to relate to them, and sometimes I can. I get as angry as a hornet and then want a hug, but I can't and shouldn't try to be something I'm not, nor should they. I am not trying to be a boy, but I'm trying to be a boy mom. One who doesn't need to be understood all the time.

Instead of wanting to find one person who completely identifies with my life, I need to remember that Jesus never "entrusted Himself to anyone for He knew what was in the heart of all men." (John 2:24-25) He didn't look to connect perfectly, because humans lack perfection. It is better that we relate with one person in let's say in parenting, maybe another in marriage, another in passion, and still another in prayer. If one person were to become our perfect identifier, we'd likely put him/her on a pedestal only to be sorely disappointed at a later date. We shouldn't be everything to someone else either, lest we become their god.

We need only to point people to the One who can perfectly identify with everything we experience. He flipped tables in righteous anger, he wept over the death of his best friend, he was hungry, tired, misunderstood, and longed to be home with God in Heaven. God knew I needed this diverse tribe of boys in order to keep my eyes humbly seeking Him for perfect identification. It may feel lonely at times, but it's a healthy spot for my heart.

~Not Identifying Carefully & Carelessly