Accidental Introvert: Feeling like a Dumb American

Stranger: "Basta premere il pulsante e uscirà l’etichetta con il prezzo del pane da usare alla cassa, ma bisogna pesarlo prima della stampa."

Me: "Uh. Sí."

On more than one occasion since living overseas, I have been rightfully humbled, feeling what many marginalized persons have felt before--I must be dumb, or at the very least, missing something key to comprehension.

The foreigner, the elderly, the disabled, and the minority have all felt this same feeling, not because of a lack of intelligence, but because of particulars that exist outside of their normal nuances. Rhythms, expressions, savoir-faire, and cultural cues surpass basic translation tools. As such, there's a level of insecurity, silence, and humility that follow.

The grandmother who can't relate to her grandkids tech-savvy lingo, so she just listens. The foreigner who doesn't understand the tongue-in-cheek, so she smiles while everyone else laughs. The disabled person who can't relate to rhythms of able bodies and gets left behind. Or the grandfather who looks lost because he can't actually hear the small talk above the background noise.

I am now experiencing a new kind of meekness as an accidental introvert. I am forced to live in greater silence due to my foreign nature. I wonder how many people think I'm naturally reserved or even uneducated simply because I use the wrong verb or say "yes" to a question that requires more than a head nod.

On the bright side, I've noticed that living as an introvert gives other people the chance to become accidental extroverts. They must speak up to help me. As such we both stretch and transform from our natural state, like butterflies, we find new wings. We increase our flexibility, and this common ground creates vulnerability. Vulnerability in turn develops deep empathy.

Becoming an accidental introvert hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination. All butterflies need time to dry their wings and adjust to the shock of a new existence. It's brought tears to my prideful, socially-hungry heart, but it's been good for my inner self to learn new skills. To quiet my natural tendencies for a minute and exercise an inner beauty that will help me fly forever. "Beauty should be that of the inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." (1 Peter 3:4)

I have discovered the key to living any accidental state while maintaining joy and relevancy. It's laughter. Without laughing at your own blunders you will never emulate confidence in Christ. Whether it's grocery shopping, driving, using a foreign kitchen appliance, or simply asking for directions, a lack of confidence in myself means I gain a greater confidence in Christ who is in me. "For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26)

My tongue may feel tied switching between four languages in one month, my footing on the other hand feels more secure than ever. The ability to laugh at my mistakes, rather than take offense or refuse to engage is fundamental to traveling the world with joy and embodying this accidental introvert nature.

~Carefully & Carelessly Introverted